


Ghosts are Bad Home Owners

by Scarletwolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Attempt at Humor, Even In Death, Ghost!Sirius Black, M/M, Muggle AU, Remus is a Real Estate agent, Sirius Black is not a poltergeist, That ghost story every fandom needs, sirius black is a drama queen, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:18:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8762071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarletwolf/pseuds/Scarletwolf
Summary: Remus Lupin is a Real Estate agent trying to sell Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Sirius Black is the resident ghost making it really hard for Remus. 
Based off Tumblr post: 
Ghost in the house: GET OUT. I WILL TAKE YOU-
Real estate agent: chill, its me.
Ghost: oh hey. have you sold it yet. 
Real estate agent: obviously NOT, idiot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first official attempt at a multi-story fanfiction. So of course I have to give this honor to my ultimate otp.

Remus Lupin, age twenty-seven, was a realtor for the small but still well-known real estate company, R.J. Homes. It was a job he picked up six and a half years ago to pay the bills and something he’d grown quite fond of over the years. He loved the feeling he got when showing someone a house that they’d fall in love with and make their own. A home was supposed to be a safe haven, a place one can rid the troubles of the day; and there was satisfaction from being able to give a person that. There was one other reason for Remus’ love of his job, though.

 Footsteps thudded dully against the white sidewalk pavement as Remus made his way to the large London town home. Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. A large metal fence stood proud around the property, its bars and tips polished immaculately. The red bricks of the house were scarcely chipped and the garden was trimmed and kept to perfection.

 Remus pushed open the gate and walked through before closing it gently behind him. As he made his way up the walkway, he fished out the keys from the pocket of his jumper. He climbed the steps to the front porch and slotted the key into the key hole of the door. It took a bit of wiggling but he finally got it to unlock.

 As soon as he stepped through the door there was a burst of high winds that nearly knocked Remus off his feet. Then a deep voice echoed through the dim lit halls. “GET OUT!!” the booming voice commanded. “OR I WILL TAKE YO-“

 “Sirius, it’s me.” Remus interrupted with a sigh. There was a pause and then a figure materialized in front of him. Sirius grinned at Remus, shaggy black hair falling into his eyes and slightly translucent body hovering a few inches above the ground. Like any other day of the past three years, Remus forced himself to stamp down the blush that rose up his cheeks at seeing the attractive man. Sirius stood there, looking relaxed in his leather jacket, black jeans, and his Rolling Stones t-shirt. His feet were barefoot, though, an odd contrast to the rest of his attire. His pale face was handsome; chiseled jaw and high cheek bones that contoured his face beautifully. His eyes were a sea of graying storms and the man seemed to always have a mischievous grin on his face.

 “Oh, hey!” The ghost greeted cheerfully; and wasn’t that a harsh reminder to the tawny haired man.  _He’s a ghost, Remus. Get your mind out of the gutter._  Sirius followed as Remus walked past him and further into the house to the kitchen. “Didn’t know it was you. Have you sold the house, yet?”

 He turned to look at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. “Obviously not, Idiot.”

 He got a pout in return for the insult. “Well why not? Come on, Moony! I know you can sell this blasted house of mine!”

 Remus Lupin met Sirius Black three years ago when the house went up on market and Remus was assigned to sell the place. It was his third big project and Remus had enthusiastically accepted. He’d seen the house on the market list and fell in love. It was a place he could never afford and so he set on the next best thing- selling it to a nice buyer.

He’ll never admit about nearly pissing his pants the first time Sirius made an appearance- the first time Remus set foot in the house. He had been moving around furniture in the living space when there was a cough behind him and Remus had come face to face with a semi- transparent man. There was a lot of yelling and then some slightly calmer explaining and when eventually both parties were calm enough, Remus found out that Number Twelve Grimmauld Place belonged to Sirius before the man died in a motorcycling accident a few months prior. The place had been in his family for generations, he told Remus; but as last remaining of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, Sirius had inherited the home from his parents despite his less than stellar relationship with them. Now though, he was dead and the house went up on market once all the paperwork following his untimely demise was solidified.

 As to why he hadn’t moved on, Sirius guessed that it might be because the house had been in his family for so long, as the last remaining owner, he had to stay and make sure it got sold off… or something. The man himself wasn't really sure why he couldn't move on either.

 Remus glanced wryly at the ghost muttering and floating around the kitchen. He wasn’t sure why, but Sirius seemed not to want to move on. Every single potential buyer Remus brought to the house was scared away by the over dramatic idiot. He seemed to take a sadistic joy in playing the poltergeist.

 It’s been three years with no luck on selling the place, though Remus refused to give the sale over to any of his other coworkers. He’d actually grown quite fond of the man if he was being honest with himself.  Sirius seemed to have taken a liking to Remus too, choosing to cheerily greet him instead of doing what poltergeists are supposed to do and run him out of the house. ( _“I’m not actually a poltergeist, Remus.” “Then why do you act like one?”_ )

 “It’s not that I  _don’t_  want the house to be sold.” Sirius said when Remus asked him. “But It’s just… none of these people have been right, you know?”

 No, Remus didn’t know; but he kept quiet as he listened, sipping slowly at his tea. “Right, well, we’re having another showing later this afternoon.” He informed Sirius. “A Frank and Alice Longbottom- and  _please_  be on your best behavior.”

 The grin Sirius gave him told Remus that ‘best behavior’ will not be shown. Remus sighed.

 Frank and Alice Longbottom arrived promptly at three-thirty in the afternoon and Remus greeted them at the doorway with a polite cheer to his voice. He asked them if they found the place okay, how great it was that they could make it, and all those other niceties he was required to say to potential buyers. The couple were nice and friendly. Frank was tall with a kind face and Alice had short brown hair and a look of lively excitement to her. Her belly was starting to round with what Remus assumed was a child, though he wisely refrained from commenting. It wasn’t his place to say.

 He led them down the halls and to the kitchen, peaked in the cellar and showed them to the staircase leading up to the rest of the floors. Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet and Remus wondered if perhaps he finally decided on letting Remus sell the house. He really should have known better though.

 When Remus lead Frank and Alice to the first bedroom, was when Sirius decided to act. Alice had just leaned down to examine a thin crack in the wall plaster when one of the decorative ornaments on the dresser behind her toppled over. She jumped, whirling around in surprise. Her eyes landed on the ornament.

 “Oh, I must have bumped into it.” She said, shooting an apologetic glance at Remus. Remus, who had been narrowing his eyes at where he assumed Sirius was, quickly turned to her with an assuring smile.

 “It’s no problem, really! That ornament is always unbalanced. It was the previous owner’s decoration, you see.” He explained, walking into the room and righting the damn thing. The door swung shut with a loud slam behind him, making everyone in the room jump. Frank immediately went to his wife, wrapping a protective arm around her and looking around the room with nervous eyes. Remus closed his eyes and counted to ten and reminded himself that he couldn’t actually strangle a ghost.

 “T-this house isn’t haunted by chance, is it?” Frank stuttered, glancing around nervously. Alice pressed closer to her husband. Remus opened his mouth to tell them ‘of course, it’s not haunted! It’d be very bad manners to sell a haunted house, wouldn’t it!’ but he didn’t have a chance as the mirror against one of the walls shattered. Alice screamed as Frank shielded her with his body. Then, he was practically carrying her out of the room as fast as he could. “Y-y-y-you know what! I think we’re going to have to think about this place!” He called to Remus who was following behind him.

 “Please, I know it looks bad but-!” The front door was slammed rather rudely in his face. Remus’ shoulders slumped and he bent forward to place his head on the wood of the door. Another failure…

 Sirius appeared behind him, snickering loudly. “Did you see their faces!?” He cackled. “Oh man, they were so easy!”

 Remus’ hands curled into a fist as anger bubbled up his chest and his shoulders shook. He whirled around to face Sirius and his face must have looked frightening because Sirius immediately stopped laughing.

 “What is  _wrong with you_?!” Remus demanded vehemently. His vision blurred from what was probably angry tears as he glared daggers and death at Sirius. The ghost just shrugged, averting his eyes from the man. If Remus didn’t know any better, he’d say Sirius looked guilty. But right now, he was too mad to care. He stomped into the kitchen, absently aware that Sirius was following him. “Three years!” He cried as he flung his belongings into his briefcase. “Three years, I’ve tried selling this house! Three years you’ve been stuck here unable to move on! And yet you scare away another potential buyer- don’t speak!” He pointed an accusing finger at Sirius when he opened his mouth.

 Sirius snapped his mouth shut with a click of his teeth. He sort of resembled a kicked puppy with his apologetic look but Remus stubbornly refused to budge. He snapped his briefcase closed, putting too much aggression in clicking the locks shut. Then suddenly the anger drained from Remus until there was nothing left but resignation.

 “Why won’t you move on, Sirius?” He asked, voice quiet.

 Sirius only shrugged again and Remus sighed. He heaved his briefcase off the table and walked through Sirius’ body to the door. It was like walking through an ice cold shower but Remus suppressed the oncoming shiver. He didn’t call goodbye to Sirius as the door shut behind him and he didn’t see Sirius’ aborted move to reach out to him before he gave up and floated up to hide in his old rooms.

 Remus came back the next day, like he does every day, at precisely ten thirty in the morning. He set his briefcase on the kitchen table and pointedly ignored the surprised look Sirius was giving him. He didn’t speak nor look at Sirius as he bustled around to make some tea for himself. It’s not until the tea is poured and Remus is slumped into one of the chairs that Sirius tentatively made his way over to him.

 “Thought you wouldn’t come….” He admited in a low mumble. There was a part of Remus that had been tempted not to ever come back. But the night had calmed him enough for him to realize how ridiculous that was. Still, Remus let Sirius stew for a good few minutes as he sipped his tea before answering.

 “This is my job, you know. I can’t exactly just storm off and never come back.” Remus snapped. He looked up to see Sirius ducking his head in shame and whatever lingering anger he had in him dissipates. He drained the last of his tea. “Besides, you’ll just sulk for eternity.”

 Sirius glanced up through his lashes and gives Remus a shy grin. Remus smiles fondly back and that seems to be enough for Sirius, who’s usual cheer returns and the tension in his shoulders slip away.

 “Will not!” He scoffed, settling cross legged in front of Remus on the table.

 “No, of course not.” Remus dryly replies. Sirius sticks his tongue out at him petulantly. Remus threatened an exorcism and his threat was met with a bark of laughter. The rest of the day was spent with just the two of them in the house. Remus cleaned the broken glass from Sirius' rather over dramatic mirror trick while Sirius hovered over him and whined. When evening rolled around, Remus cooked up a dinner for himself. He was welcome to use anything in the house, as long as he put everything back to their original place before leaving each night; and he's reluctant to leave Sirius' company.

 They chat for a while, each making the other laugh with crude jokes and dry remarks. Then, Remus got up and cleaned the dishes and stove. Once he was done, he wiped his hands on his pants and turned to Sirius.

 "I want to sell this house." He blurted out. Sirius paused in the middle of trying to float a fork up his nose. He turned and furrowed his brows at Remus.

 "Wha-" He began but Remus cut him off with a shake of his head.

 "I want to sell this house." He repeated firmly. "This house is so beautiful, there's so many potential buyers. A-and… I know you don't want to leave, Sirius, and maybe you won't leave. But there's someone out there who deserves this house. There is going to be someone who will want to make this their home, and I know this place used to be yours, but you're gone now and… don't you think it's time to let someone else have a chance of living here?" 

 Sirius looked like he wanted to say something. Maybe it was a protest hanging on his lips, but he chose not to, shaking his head until his bangs fell into his eyes. Remus kept his unwavering expression locked onto Sirius’ face until the ghost sighed heavily and ran fingers through his hair.

 “Fine.” He huffed in that gruff voice that made Remus a little weak in the knees. “Fine. Sell the bloody house.” The angry look he had seemed to melt when Remus beamed up at him. Still, Remus thought as he waved goodbye to Sirius for the night, the ghost looked almost troubled. Remus understood, he thought; after all, the man didn’t want his ghostly friend gone, but he wanted to give the man peace.

 The next week was a quiet one. Sirius spent most of the time brooding and out of Remus’ way. Remus expertly hid the disappointment that bubbled in him behind sarcastic retorts and long suffering sighs.

 The next Monday that rolled around had a showing scheduled and Remus was sure to press Sirius on behaving.

 “Yeah, yeah.” The ghost had grumbled before floating up to his rooms without even looking at Remus. The pang of hurt that thudded in Remus’ chest was forcibly pushed away as the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of the newest clients.

 James Potter was a burst of energy that had Remus feeling slightly dizzy. His handshake was strong, with the man shaking Remus’ hand a bit too hard. On the man’s shoulders, sat a small boy with hair as wild and unruly as his father’s but with stark green eyes that stared at everything around him with wonder and awe. James’ wife, Lily, exuded the fiery fierceness that red heads always seem to have. Her smile was kind though, lips stretched in a laugh as she playfully scolded her husband for scaring Remus, the poor soul. All in all, Remus thought that they would be people he would enjoy spending time with outside of work.

 He showed them the first floor with great success. Lily absolutely loved the library and dining area. Harry, after his father had set him down on the ground, had taken off with a delighted screech. James explained sheepishly that their current home was a bit too small for Harry to run around in. Remus had smiled and happily shown them the mid-sized ball room, big enough to be converted into a decent indoor play area for Harry if they wished.

 The second and third floors, where the living area and first set of bedrooms were, were met with the same enthusiasm as the first floor. The Potters seemed really set on buying the house and Sirius was _behaving_ and Remus was ultimately happy.

 Then everything came to a freezing halt when Harry bounded down from the fourth floor and asked rather loudly, “Is the man upstairs going to stay with us too?”

 James and Lily looked at Remus in confusion and Remus could feel his heart trying to break through his rib cage. Oh God… How was he to explain this?

 “I thought you said no one was living here.” Lily said with a frown. Remus turned to look at her as he gulped down the hysteria rising up his lungs.

 “There isn’t anyone living here.” He said, hoping the half-truth was enough to convince the couple.

 “Except Mr. Sirius!” Harry unhelpfully provided. Apparently he not only saw Sirius, but the blasted twat had introduced himself to the boy. Remus could feel the doom of another failed sale.

 “Mr. Sirius?” James asked his son before turning an accusing glance at Remus, who had taken to wringing his hands and scrambling through his brain for an explanation that didn’t sound like A) he was barmy, or B) like this house came with its own serial killer.

 Harry, who was so _so_ cute before but now had the jeopardy or Remus’ entire career clutched in his tiny oblivious hands, continued on, not noticing or caring about the heavy tension set between the three adults. “Uh-huh! He’s the ghost that I met upstairs! Says this house was his but Mr. Remus needs ta sell it now.” And then he pointed to the top of the staircase. All of the adults’ heads turned to where he pointed and where Sirius sat in plain sight. He gave them all a sheepish wave of his hand, eyes trained on Remus apologetically.

 Remus heard James mutter something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Holy Merlin’s bagpipes!’ and Lily clutched Harry’s shoulders and drew him to her. There was a moment of silence as everyone was unsure how to react to all of this when Sirius coughed and spoke.

 “Uh, yeah… Ta, Harry, for the introduction. Really brought out the creepiness factor well on its own, didn’t it?” The ghost grinned at little Harry who giggled. There was a bubble of laughter that came from James and Sirius’ eyes snapped over to him. “Oi, mate! If you’re buying this house, I’m implementing an order for you to comb that bird’s nest you call hair. As former owner, I can do this.”

 The bubble of laughter erupted full force as James bent over and slapped his knee. “Funny, coming from a barefoot ghost still in his goth phase!” He cackled and Sirius’ grin grew wider. Lily rolled her eyes and Harry laughed along with his dad, probably not quite understanding what they were laughing about but wanting to join in anyways. Remus had a look of terror on his face as he looked back and forth from Sirius, to James, to Lily. He didn’t know what was happening. These people just saw a _ghost_. And yet they were laughing, not at all looking scared like they should. Sirius and James seemed to have bonded instantly; up to the point where James had bounded up the stairs and wrapped his arm around Sirius’ shoulders like he could feel it under his touch. It was a gesture so _normal_ that you almost forgot that one of them was dead.

 Lily turned to a still stunned Remus and gave him a smile filled with fond exasperation. “We’ll buy the house!” She declared. Remus was too stunned to process what she said for a full minute. It took a well-placed prod from Lily for him to jolt out of his trance.

 “O-Oh! Yes! Of course!” He bumbled, leading her down back to the kitchen to sign the forms. James scooped Harry up in his arms as he and Sirius followed. The forms were long and tedious and it took a good while before the deed was under the Potters’ name. But with one last stroke of a pen signature and a check for the deposit handed to Remus, it was accomplished.

 The Potters left after that with the deed in hand, talks of moving in on Thursday trailing after them as they left. Remus closed the door behind them with an echoing click. He was dimly aware of it being just him and Sirius in the house now. Taking a deep breath, he faced the ghost.

 Sirius had smile on his face that was mixed with something unreadable to Remus. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his pants, shoulders hunched forward in a nonchalant stance. He didn’t speak so Remus chose to speak first.

 “Well… The house is sold.” He said rather lamely. Sirius huffed out a chuckle and nodded. Remus nodded back just for something to do. “Er, I… don’t know how this process goes but… You can move on now, I think.”

 “Yeah.”

 Sirius’ voice was deep and Remus closed his eyes to take it in so he would never forget it. Without opening his eyes he said, “It was nice knowing you, you know? I’ll… I’ll miss you.”

 There was something cold pressed to his cheek, a whisper of a touch that he realized was Sirius cupping his cheek and Remus leant into it almost desperately. He took a deep breath, pulling away from the touch. Opening his eyes, he looked into Sirius’ transparent gray eyes and smiled sadly. Sirius looked heartbroken but Remus refused to believe the heartbreak was for him. He bent down and lifted his briefcase off the ground.

 “I wish you luck in moving on, Sirius Black.” Remus whispered before opening the door and walking through for the last time.

 He hadn’t known then that his and Sirius’ adventure was far from over.


End file.
